Friday, January 28, 2011

my dream of a perfect life (May 17, '07 12:08 AM)

Ever since I was a young girl I’ve always been dreaming of a perfect life. A happy family, bundles of true friends and people whom I could love and love me back for who I am.

But my perfect life is truly a dream, a fairytale, a dream that could never come true.

The happy family that I have dreamed had never been happy. Its full of misery, sorrow and problem. It never had been…
Some must say that it’s normal for a family to have a problem but for me it’s not because it’s a problem that some families had also encountered and those families are already broken. (And I had always been dreaming that we will have a separate family… maybe after that our family would be happy.)

I had now and still had an unhappy family and maybe it will never be happy like how I wished it to be…

But even though I had an un happy family I had my bundles of friends but I can’t say that all of them are true or sincere; or maybe I was the one that is not true to myself. I know its not right to judge them on what they feel… But I just can’t make it clear to myself, I can’t understand why I am so afraid to trust… Maybe I the problem!

But I’m happy that they are there because even though I had an unhappy family, they are there who gives me happiness and sometimes lend me hand even if I don’t ask for it.

You may ask of those people whom I love and will love me back for who I am (my parents, siblings and friends are excluded here. What I meant here are my relative and other people close to my life).

They are make-believe…

Because I am the only one loving them, (but its okay for me) they only think that I love them because I need something from them. It’s so unfair… It hurts so much to think that they are accusing you of something you did not do and haven't even thought about.
I sometimes think on to myself … I don’t need does things they are giving me, but I accept it so that they won’t think that I am to proud…but for them it has a different meaning… I don’t know what to do….

It is so unfair but I can’t do anything about those things happening into my life… I could correct it but never change it… and it’s so difficult to correct something if you are the only one who wants to correct it.

The world we lived in is really unfair (unjust) but even though it is … I am still dreaming of that life that could not be fulfilled.

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