Anima Christi

Soul of Christ
Sanctify me
Body of Christ save me
Water from the side of Christ
Wash me, Passion of Christ
Give me strength

Hear me Jesus
Hide me in thy wounds
That I may never leave thy side
From all the evil that surrounds me
Defend me and when the call of death arrives
Bid me come to thee
That I may praise thee
With thy saints forever

Hear me Jesus
Hide me in thy wounds
That I may never leave thy side
From all the evil that surrounds me
Defend me and when the call of death arrives
Bid me come to thee
That I may praise thee
With thy saints forever

hurt and pain (Oct 21, '08 2:32 AM)

they said when we are hurt by others it is one way of God for reminding us that we should not do it to others because we already know how painful and hurtful it is…
they also said that when you already know the pain, you should be able to understand how painful it is…
so does this mean that when we hurt others like the way others hurt us, it is not our intention to hurt them…
but i just can’t understand why it keep on repeating…
“others hurting us and we hurting others…”
and i just can’t understand why…It's been a cycle... HURTING one another…

my star! (May 17, '07 12:14 AM)

Why can’t I be happy?

Why is it that there’s always something blocking my happiness?

When will I be free?

When will I feel the real happiness?

When will I consider myself/my life full of smiles? (not fake smiles)

I’ve always been wearing my fake smile, my mask, my cloak.

Am I just being selfish? Or am I just being to sensitive?

But is it selfish when I always dreamt to have a quiet life with no one telling me what to do. On the other hand, is it being selfish if you want to be happy?

When will I reach the star?

The star I’ve always dream of… has slowly vanish….

My star… is a star of my freedom, a star of my happiness, the love that I longed for since I am a child….

I don’t need material things I only need my star….

I know no one could understand me but only myself….

I know I am weird… I am foolish… I am numb….

It is hard…

It is hideous….

I am full of misery…

I am full of loneliness…

And I m tired… worn-out…

Solitary (Aug 21, '07 7:06 AM)

some people said the worst moment in life is to be alone...
but for me being alone was the best moment i ever had. being alone for me gives me peace and happiness
that other people had not known.
I always love to be alone... to be with myself... do things just by myself...
coz when i am alone i can be assured that no one will hurt me...
i can assure myself that no one could make me feel sad...
i can assure myself that i could be happy even if i'm alone...
others may disagree but i don't care...

in this world even the closest person... even the people you've cared, cherish and look up to could hurt you...
they said that is normal... but for me its not...
maybe because i just don't like the feeling of being hurt or being sad...
i'd rather be myself watch movie... surf the net... listen to music... do stuffs that could make me feel happy...
and this stuffs help me forget about my problem... it help me forget that i am living in a chaotic world...
yes... there are times i thought about the sadness of being alone... but...for me it's easier to manage... than to be with lots of people where i need to figure out how to act the way that they would understand...

this may sound crazy... but I know in time... there will be lots of changes... 

and my solitary world would need to be set aside for awhile... 

so for now I will enjoy it to the best that I could...

For the past days.... (Feb 15, '09 11:28 PM)

For the past days...
I've read a book... full of questions... some questions were nonsense... some were true... some were my questions too...
Some were the questions that has gotten in my head before... some questions were answered... but most of it was left till now... unanswered!!!
Some of those questions were now hidden, some were lost, some were taken forgranted... but most of it was forcefully left in the past..
For the past days...
I've thought about this words:
is it stupid wen you've fallen in luv 2 some1 who doesn't even care for you??
or
is it more stupid 2 push away some1 who tried so hard to let you feel dath they cared and loved you so much even though they know they are taken forgranted???
or
is it stupid to stop yourself from fallin even though you know that you've already feel it???
stupid!!!
thinking bout this things are stupid!!!!

For the past days...
Another question struck me...
It was about "If granted with 3 wishes would you exchange it with your life..."
and for that question... I answered yes... even though i would die... i don't care as long as
those three wishes that would come true...
but i know that it's all fantasy...

For the past days....
I know that it's not easy to have a positive perception about everything...
but i need to... and I'm determined to do so, even if part of me tells that I'm just pushing myself to do it...
even if half of me know that half of it is fake...
xit!~!!!
stupid...!!!!
this feeling make me feel pain in my heart... but I'm still doing it...

I now it pains me thinking about all of this but still... this one thing is kept in my mind...

"Never regret anything you've done or said because at one point in time... it was exactly what you wanted and needed..."

Will I still believe?? (May 1, '09 5:38 AM)

What would you do when all or most of the things that you've believed before where all changed by someone for good?

me...I accepted all the change... I've let myself be open to the things... open-minded to all information... openly considered the fair judging of which is the best and what's not.

What would you do when someone let you believe that true love with pure honesty and dedication could exist?

When you thought that before this was just a fantasy...

What would you do when someone let you believe that everyone is different from others, that someone out there is unique enough?

When you thought that all are the same... that no matter how kind they are, there's just somethings in them that made them all the same, things that made me think that they are stupid enough to fool you in the end and could not be trusted.

What would you do when someone let you believe that for once promises could never be broken?

When before every promises that someone made was just a joke, that all of it could be or meant to be broken. that only few had proven that i should believe there promises.

What would you do?

I did try to believe to all of the things I hated and avoided before should not be viewed as it was... I changed my views to all this things and until now I still believe to the things they thought me to change... but then....

...What if the same person that let you believe was also the one who changed what you believe now and everything that he/she ought you to believe could all go to an end? that everything he/she showed you before... all the promises he/she made... was now different to what he/she is showing now?

full of hate (Jul 23, '08 5:46 AM)

hate me if you want....
but i'm just being true to myself...
im angry with you...
maybe you'll say i am just to over sensitive...
yes i am! so what...
that's who i am and i can't change that...
leave me alone...
i don't care...
i'll try to be by myself...
i know i can get over...
your not the only one...
and even if you are...
i can be alone and still be happy...
i'm angry...
and i can't hide it...
this is who i am...
if you cannot understand it...
it's up to you...
i'm sick and tired...
i hate you...
but i hate myself most...
i'd better be alone...
than be with someone... ignoring me...
maybe you'll say/think that i've change to being an"arrogant person"
maybe... if that's what you're thinking then be it....
 but this is how i feel ...
this is what you are showing me...
i hate myself....
im tired...
but its okay...
maybe its just me...
just leave me...
maybe i can recover...
im so F*S* sad of being angry with you...
bcoz ur my friend...
more than that...
more than ever...