lost in my heart

I was trying to write some blogs today, digging my brain for some feelings or emotions that I could use as an inspiration. I've been thinking before I sat in front of my computer and remembered what if I write something about love... and then I tried to listen to my heart trying to feel what its beating for... I tried so hard for a long moment but there was nothing. I asked myself why can't feel anything, where did the love that I felt for him, that I have struggled so so hard for a very long time to ease away and to disregard for the sake of our friendship, why can't I feel it now? Was it totally lost now that I have already told him? Where is it now and why am I looking for it? Where is that feeling that I tried so hard to hide before? Was it all gone now that I have shed all the tears? Why do I miss it?... And now it seems I lost something important that I want to get it back... Was it already gone or is it only deeply hidden inside my heart that I couldn't felt it?